No Answer

A message sent from my soul
Hoping it will reach yours one day

Father dad papa
Do these words even hold a meaning anymore?

I don’t even remember the last time I called out your name
Do I even remember your face?

It’s been so long now
Though you wouldn’t know
The memories haunt me like it was yesterday

I can’t seem to see you without them
I just don’t understand

We loved you when you hurt us
We hugged you when you hit us
We shared when you stole
Why?

You made my life filled with negativity
I feared you as I think you wanted

I watched you hit mommy
You called her awful things
I was only four
I was scared but you didn’t care

Still I grew up idolising you
Wanting to be like you
You saw that and took advantage
You hurt me bad
You left me alone
Why?

I was your favourite right?
I was the one you chose to bring with you
The one you chose to abuse
Is this how you wanted things to be?
Tell me

When you held me as a baby did you picture this?
Did you mean to cause so much pain?

I guess with you I might never know
With you, you’re always right
You never make mistakes

I hope you realise one day that you’re a human
Yes, a human just like the rest of us, unfortunately

When I was sixteen your mom died
That was very hard on me
Yet you had to make it worse
You had to blame me
Why?

Because you don’t make mistakes
I must have forgotten

I wish things could have been different
I wish you could have been different
Will you ever change?
I doubt that

I just hope you will see the light
Open up your guard
Come to terms with the facts
Be vulnerable like I was
Like mom and the boys were

Because only through that will you become stronger
The truth will free your soul
Like we are free from you

If you don’t change you will die within and alone
You will be lost and hopefully forever forgotten.